Involuntary erections

Ah, a subject near and dear in my pants. As the title might suggest, this entry is about unintentional boners.

Now I'm not talking about morning wood, this is something different. An erection that cannot, no matter how many unsexy thoughts you think, go away. I have suffered from many an involuntary erections. I'm sure many of you, specifically the male population of my readership (I'm not touching the subject of female erection, as I'm at work and googling "female erection" might change my employment status with CSC) have suffered from this dilema. You know the situation, you're sitting at your desk and then you're at attention. What then? Do you force it down the left pant leg, right, swing it up and tuck it under your belt?
God help you if someone needs you to go to their desk. Then you're shit out of luck if you decided to line it down a pant leg. Congrats, now you're going to be popping a tent every other step. And guess what, some of your co-workers will notice. I'm sure they'll appreciate that you're happy to see them.

Here is an example:
It was 9th grade Earth Science class. It was spring time, and quite noticably many of the young ladies were in skirts. Jenna was sitting to the right of me wearing a khaki skirt, and naturally I decided it was a great idea to be in awe of her legs and thighs. So this is going on at the same time Mrs. Jones is calling up students to her desk to get their graded tests. Low and behold she calls my name when I happen to have a hard on. What makes this predictament that much worst, is the fact that I'm wearing some Old Navy shorts. These shorts were made of a very thin fabic, essentially, you could count the change in my pocket. So, in my infinite 9th grade wisdom, I decided to get up from my desk and I literally jump to Mrs. Jones's desk, grab the test, and jump back to my desk. My classmates noticed my silliness, not the rocket in my pocket.

Seth and Evan got it right.

Oh, Hell No

As some of you know, one of my favorite movies is Chan-wook Park's Oldboy. Further more, I've voiced my concerns about an American remake of Oldboy, especially with it starring Will Smith and having it directed by Steven Spielberg

I'm beginning to hate Will Smith.


Zombies don't run

I thank Chris for showing me this article.

The Quick and the Dead, by Simon Pegg

Bowled a turkey

Literally, a turkey. I didn't get three strikes in a row (but I have done that before) , but a real frozen turkey. More on that in a bit.

My friend Mike texted me Friday afternoon asking if I had anything planned. I didn't have anything on my agenda and asked what was up. He said that his friend's ferret just had surgery and needed to be taken care of while he was out of the state. So, essentially, it'd be him and I hanging at his friend's place for the evening after medicating the smelly pet. His friend has a nice set up, specifically the huge LCD HD television that I was playing Fifa 08 on. Additionally I learned that Call of Duty 4 is considerably better than Halo 3, specifically it was that lack of douchebaggery from the other players. All the while, Mike was on his newly built computer questing on WoW. Just hearing him talk about WoW made me want to go pick it up for myself. But I've been through this temptation many times, it ends with me realizing that I'm going to get fed up with the game (like I do with all other games) and stop playing it. Additionally my laptop is on the onsets of old age; heating up to lap scalding temperatures when I watch youtube clips, horribly depleted battery life (3 hours of battery life when I first got it, now 1 hour), and the fact that it's been dropped a few times (not by my hand amazingly).

I helped Mike hold down "Jungle" while he gave it (as I don't know the sex of the beast) it's medicine, which smelled like Pepto Bismol, then we gamed for a few hours. I played Marcel over Live in Fifa, he beat me by 2. Then we got on Call of Duty and played that for a few rounds. It was around ten o'clock when I started to get thirsty, so I waited for Mike to finish up his quest while I looked for a bar.

The first bar we went to was So Addictive. I was a bit of a let down. They had a live dj, but that's about the only good thing going for it. The bartender gave me a lot more ice than I wanted in my Jack on the rocks and only 3 women in there. I agreed with Mike that we'd roll out after we finished our drinks. I was already looking for the next bar to go to on my phone. Luckily, Mike looked out the window and found our next destination. Jimmy's Old Town Tavern was an awesome bar. It reminded me of the Auld Shebeen, except with more stuff to do. There was a Jagermeister ice sculpture for ice cold shots of Jager, a dance floor, and multiple televisions showing Oklahoma slaughter Texas Tech. As well, there was a drunk guy who didn't stop dancing the entire night, except for when the "mystery saturday contest" went down. Which happened to be bowling a frozen turkey into a set of ten pins. Mike bowled an 8, I a 7.

"Fuck your couch," powerful words that were uttered by Dave Chapelle, and many college and high school students to this day, when he was playing Rick James. These words, "Fuck your couch" just incase you forget, also caught the attention of the young lady who was sitting next to Mike and I. Her name was Katie, and she was hanging with her friends Craig and Derek. Derek was sporting a kick ass moustache, I claimed he reminded me of a young Burt Reynolds, he thought it looked more Frank Zappa. Craig is a dancer and likes to show that off, by embarassing Katie. Later that night, Katie got a hold of my iphone and went on my facebook. To which she proclaimed that I am friends with her ex-boyfriend's wife.

Ahh, the world is quite small.


Just a shot away

I arrived at Steven and Alana's apartment around 6:30. Will was sitting on the sofa with Alana diagonal to him on the love seat. He hasn't changed much, still skinny, tall, white, and red dye job in his hair. He commented on my beard, "Castro" he said. It was fun to be around him again. He was drinking Yuengling, Alana Hard Cider, Steven Hefeweizen, Myself Tall Vodka Cranberries.

We caught up quickly with each other's lives. He graduated with a degree in Theater, and next week is going to be leaving for Tokyo for his job teaching English to as a second language. Plots of making a trip to the land of the rising sun has commenced.

We listened to some J-Rock band that he had on his iPod. It was good, made me want to listen to Dir en grey. He knows a site where I can get all of said band's music, or I could have given him a storage device to burn it onto.

-Steven discovers Sam own's an iPhone-
Me: Steven, loan me a blank cd.
Steven: I don't have any, use a thumb drive.
M: I don't have one.
S: Where's your iPod?
M: Don't own one.
S: That's right you own a Zune. Where's that?
M: In my car.
S: (Jokingly) Where's your iPhone.
M: In my pocket.
S: In your pocket?
M: In my pocket.
S: You don't own an iPhone.
M: In my pocket.
S: Prove it.
-I pull my white iPhone out. Calling his bluff-
S: (owned, and knows it)
M: Told you.
-I hand it to him and he plays with it. Then walks off to tell Alana. Owned-
I look at Will. We both laugh.

Alana call's me a trend whore, tool, or poser for owning one. Something along those lines. I bask in it.
We all sit, talk, it was decided before I got there that we would be visiting The Capital Ale House. We need to go to the groccery store and CVS first for more beer, cranberry juice, Black and Milds, and 5 Hour of Powers. We acquire our materials and walk back to the apartment for more drinking.
We leave for CAH, I'm already drunk.
While in the restroom, above the urinals there is a ledge. I speak about this outloud whilest urinating. It should be noted Steven is in a stall and another gentlemen is using the urinal two spaces to the left of me.
Me: "Wow, there's a little ledge here to place your beer. That's convenient"
Gentleman: (chuckle)
M: "Essentially I can skip a step and pour the beer directly into the urinal. But then I would miss the tastiness that is the beer"
G: (laugh)
M: "Mind you, I'm not talking directly to you sir. As it would be wierd for me to hold my penis and a conversation about said ledge in a bathroom with a stranger. I'm merely speaking out loud."
G: (laughs some more)
Apparently, I'm quite drunk.
After more drinking, eating of a burnt dollar hamburger, Alana and Steven's friend arrives, we leave to go play some Rockband. I borrowed one of the sauce containers (still filled with random sauce) from the Ale House. I would like to say to the owner of the white RAV-4, parked outside on the curb, I hope you liked the sauce I left for you. ....splattered on your windshield.
I sang better this time. Playing guitar is still easy. Drums are harder than they look. I messed up some of the lyrics, improvising most if not all.

It was a fun night


limbless children are no less annoying

just less mobile.

My friend Will is flying in today from the south. I'm not sure which state, either Mississippi or Lousiana, either way it's been a while since I last saw him.

I met Will during my sophomore year in high school, we both had the same gym class together. One day, I was humming "The Real Folk Blues" from Cowboy Bebop, and he recognized it and from there we became friends. Additionally, it helped that he'd bring Jack Daniels mixed with Dr. Pepper to school. Ahh, good times.

He went on to major in theater in college and would harass homeless orphans when he was drunk. One of those statements is true, I'll let you decide.



A brand new day

As I sit here at my desk, in my work outfit, I decided to create a new blog as my lj account was from my high school days. "Kouryou" just doesn't sound as cool as it once did, not too professional either. Of course, I'm not very professional when it comes to most of the aspects in my life. I need a beer.